brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
