Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He passed out mid-signature
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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