The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
