we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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