ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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