No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
