yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
