SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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