So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
