I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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