I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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