I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He passed out mid-signature
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
