Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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