You can't special order awesome
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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