You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
