Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
