There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
