A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Found your dick twin last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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