wanna go halves on a baby?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
