Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
