why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
