Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
