did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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