I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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