you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
