if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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