Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
