i was born a porn star she said
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
