You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
