i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
