We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I need moral support for this bender
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
