Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
