Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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