actually, I'm a sock model
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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