I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
