She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
