my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When are your genitals available?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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