Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
