i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
