dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The air was thick with penises
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
