I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
