I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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