HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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