His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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