i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
