The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
