Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
