You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
