My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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