I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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