apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
