i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
