You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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